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Today, let’s talk about self love, self respect and self confidence especially in relationships. Usually when we find ourselves in a relationship with someone we tend to forget that we are supposed to love ourselves too.
All we think about is that person in our lives.
We live our lives to please them, to make them happy. Whatever they want, that is what we have to do even if we don’t like it. But sometimes, you have to put yourself first. I’m not saying you have to be selfish. There’s a difference between being selfish and loving yourself.
What is self love?
Self love is all about thinking about yourself, figuring out what you want, what makes you happy, knowing your worth, so that you wouldn’t live your everyday life doing what someone else wants.
If you are in a relationship with someone and you are all about them, you are not being fair to yourself, you are not being kind to yourself. It is not healthy to be that invested in someone (who isn’t your spouse) especially if they are not that invested in you. People tend to take you for granted when you do that.
So take time out for yourself, get a hobby, go out, make friends. Do something that makes you happy. Anything at all. So that if that person says “hey, come over”. You don’t have to drop everything you are doing just to go and see them. That’s where the self respect comes in.
It’s okay to say “I cant come now” or “I’m busy”or “I’ll try and see you when I’m done with everything. You don’t have to make them the centre of your world. so that your whole planet, your whole being revolves around them.
Imagine what would happen if that person should suddenly call the relationship off. And yes, they can because it is just a relationship not marriage. So they can walk out anytime. And that is when it feels like your whole world is shuttered and you don’t know what to do and you are confused and all you just want to do is be in bed and cry all day.
It affects everything you do, so you put your life on hold and just feel sorry for yourself. That is not being fair to you.
This happened to me and it affected me so much that I even stopped blogging for a while, I didn’t even feel like eating all I did was cry?
Like, why do that to yourself, when that person doesn’t even care about you. If they did, they wouldn’t even hurt you in the first place. So why put your life on hold for someone who didn’t care enough to be a part of it.
So if you know your worth and you don’t make someone else the centre of your world or the source of your happiness, when they live you wouldn’t put your life on hold. You would know that they are not your happy ending. They are just a chapter in the story of your life. So the story must go on.
Usually we think that when we live to please someone that is what will make them like us and want to be with us. But the sad truth is NO!! That is what will push them away. Being a people pleaser is not an attractive shade on anybody.
If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t respect yourself, if you don’t make yourself happy, how do you expect someone to do that for you. You wouldn’t even do it for yourself, so why should I do it for you?
One of the reasons why we do all these things is when we are with someone that we don’t feel worthy of. We feel like we don’t deserve them. May be because they are popular or rich or beautiful. This is where the self confidence comes in.
It’s like you are not confident about yourself. You feel like you have to do what they want because they are doing you a “favour” just being in a relationship with you. So you always do whatever they want so that you don’t mess things up. You live in constant fear that the least thing will mess things up and they will leave you.
But one thing you should know is that, that person accepted you in their life. They decided they wanted to be with you. So it doesn’t matter what their status is , so far as they accepted to be in the relationship with you, you should know that you are worthy of them.
So if that person makes you feel otherwise, like they are always telling you how they feel they could do better than you or they have to hide the fact that they are with you, then you should know you are not supposed to be with that person, You should drop them like a hot tomato. You shouldn’t settle for someone like that.
If you are going to be in a relationship that makes you feel like trash, then you are better off being single. It is okay to be single. That will even give you time to pull yourself together. Time to plan your life. So don’t settle for anything or anyone that doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.
You deserve the best. Take time out for yourself, be kind to yourself and someone who will love, respect and appreciate you will come into your life.